Many days I'm reminded through conversations with others and then in my own human nature comparing my children to their peers that they don't measure up. Or at least that's what I begin to believe. (This rings true more so for my sweet Kinsleigh. Unfortunately I believe her fearful past has come back to haunt her and others are unable to see how far she has come. Kinsleigh's struggles don't even have to be a topic of my conversations anymore. At the same time others lift my spirits by pointing out the huge strides she's made and making it known that she's a totally different kid than she was even 1 year ago. Yup, I can breathe now. Cause she's gonna make it!) More quickly than I'm able to try and convince myself of this, I'm reminded who they really are. Not only WHO they really are but WHO they were made by and WHO they were made for. Not only am I proud of who my children are simply because I'm their Mommy but because who they truly are is great and something that anyone who takes the time can personally see.
I am beyond blessed to have a child like Kinsleigh. I have never known a child of her age to have so many characteristics meshed into one. She's got charisma, sass, tenderness, silliness, seriousness, she's super intelligent...you name it...so evenly balanced. She knows what it means to help others in need. She seeks after knowing Christ and actually longs to be with Him. She knows He died on the cross and what put Him there. She knows what it means to be given grace and be forgiven. She knows she's deeply loved and beautiful because her Daddy and I remind her of this every day. But yet she also sadly knows that the fears she has experienced both in her past and her present are sometimes "not normal" because it's the message she is constantly given and gets thrown in her face. What is normal anyway? No 4 year old should ever have to feel out of place. And she also knows that she can't make those fears go away no matter how hard she tries. And believe me, she wants them to. I walked in on her in her room one night, out of her bed, down on her knees talking to Jesus about taking her scared feelings away. When the fears strike, I can only imagine how much it hurts her little mind and only this Mommy and Daddy can stand by her and somewhat try to understand what she is going through. But, she is going to continue to persevere and I refuse to do anything but to lovingly help her through it. At times it has had to be "tough love" but LOVE nonetheless. She has come so far in 2 years with all she went through and she's almost got them all under control. I'm so proud of her. Bravest kid I know.
Kyla is my "How did I deserve to be so blessed?!" child. In the confines of our own home she is one crazy, silly, cuddly, loving, imaginative, talkative, active child. In a more formal setting, she is shy, reserved, submissive...totally opposite of big sister. She is my 2nd smarty pants. (I seriously don't know where their intelligence comes from. It's almost ridiculous). When she runs around the house, her little curls bounce and I squeeze those little cheeks of hers every day and look into her GORGEOUS big blue eyes and tell her how she too is beautiful and deeply loved by her Daddy and I. When the topic of Jesus arises with her, the response is more of a "oh, haha" followed by some other random thought. It's darling. At her age, all that matters is that she knows His name. And in this house, you can't go a day without knowing His name. He is factored into all the choices and decisions we make. She has struggled with some of the sensory issues her sister has battled as well in regards to being extremely cautious on playground equipment. But nothing in comparison. You should see this girl fly down the stairs! We've got another broken bone in our future I'm sure. She is super independent. I'm talking, insists on doing EVERYTHING herself if it's the last thing she does. You go for it girl! She likes making friends and other people mean the world to her.
So there you have it in a nut shell. Who they really are. Not a cookie cut kid. Not a text book child. Not a nuisance free kid. Not a worry free kid. Just kids who have their priorities straight and know how to love on others. I don't know about you, but that's all that matters to me. When the day is done, I don't have to feel shame for the Mommy I ultimately am. In complete humility, I know I'm doing things right when I hear the heart of my children.
It's only human nature to care what others think about your children because of course you want them to be loved just like you love them. But realistically, that won't always be so. So I like to come back to reality and remind myself that, "oh yeah, I don't have to care what others think." Because God knows who they really are, even more so than me and He believes and knows they are kind, compassionate, and beautiful. Not just beautiful might I add, but STUNNING. Just imagining what He feels when he looks upon them gives me goosebumps. They are preciously dear to Him. Absolutely nothing can change that. NOTHING. No words or actions anyone may say or do. Thank you God, for being such a loving God, full of grace.
Posts
