I'll be the first to admit that I have been lacking in the patience department lately. And I will also be the first to say that I blame myself for being the root of this problem. I'm completely overwhelmed with all sorts of things on my plate and I know that many of them don't have to be there if I didn't choose for them to be. I'm an overachiever and try to do too much, way too often. And because of this, my brain gets on overload. This has been a huge reason of why I haven't been blogging much lately either. I'm trying my very best to cut the things out of my life that really aren't necessary.
Clean the house, take care of the kids, go to work, take kids to all appointments, go grocery shopping, lesson plan for school, plan fun activities for my kiddos...it never stops. And I'm exhausted. I sleep few hours (partially because of busyness but mostly because our 2 year old likes to sleep terribly many nights). And when I wake in the morning, I'm worn. Many days I don't want to talk to anyone and I don't want anyone to talk to me at least for the first good hour or so of being awake. And if someone does talk to me, you better watch out, because I'll be grouchy. I mean grouchy with a capital "G!" Don't believe me? Just ask my husband. He won't leave out any detail. And this is not an okay place to be in.
I've made a conscious effort to not let this feeling of "worn" take over. I'm trying to maintain my focus on the importance of cuddling my children rather than finishing my To Do List. But it's oh so very hard when my brain wants to take care of everything I see before me. But I also want to be set apart from what the majority of modern homes are like. Mommies getting their "ME TIME" while the kiddos watch T.V., play games, etc. I've never allowed this in my children and I have no intention to start now. But in response, what this turns into is me not allowing them to watch T.V. more than a very short amount of time a day but then getting frustrated when they bug me to play something with them while I'm in the middle of a task. I try to save my big chores for after the kids are in bed but lets face it, by then I'm beyond exhausted because my kids don't even go to bed until 8:30 and I would love to just kick up my feet. So here is to my new pledge of not being so nit picky. Summer is coming, I'm loosening up and I'm going to just let my kids be kids!!! I used to be so good at this and I don't like the "me" I've been lately in this regard. Don't be surprised if you see my in public with no makeup on either. School is almost done so the hair and the makeup are going to be placed on the back burner for now. Because nothing is more important than my family and these are the years that are most important in molding who they are and I refuse to let them go to waste.
Today, I'm praying for patience and that it will overtake my entire being and mold me into the person I know God wants me to be. To show grace to my children when I have nothing left. To show honor to my husband for all that he does. To uplift others needs before my own and just be patient and wait for what He has in store for me.
Amen
"Worn" by Tenth Avenue North
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