So here goes...now you can know what the heck we've been dealing with and talking about all this time with Kinsleigh...you ready...deep breath...ok
Ever since Kinsleigh was very young, like 18 mos. or so, we've thought she was a HIGHLY intelligent little one. It was/has been so cool to see her develop and impress us with all her insights and knowledge. She could sing the whole ABC's by 18 mo. ish. She knew the majority of her letters by age 2. Knew most of the letter sounds and could identify all numbers before she was 2 1/2. Awesome huh?!
Also starting shortly after 18 mos. we started noticing she had a lot of repetitive behaviors and craved routine (to an extreme amount) like crazy. But we thought, ok whatever, she's just really particular and picky.
As time went on, the obsessiveness and repetitive behaviors got more and more extreme. Still to this day, for a whole entire year, she has said the same exact sentence when we drive onto the circle on ramp from the BA to I44. And we drive this path often as it is our way to church, which is also daddy's work and Kins school. That's just one example.
Then as she got closer to three, I started noticing more and more that she still wasn't wanting to play much with her peers. Like, she was aware they were there, but she preferred to be alone. Still does. And she doesn't necessarily know how to relate to them. Can talk an adults ear off, but looks at kids like they are crazy sometimes.
Here recently, closer to age 3, her behavior has gotten out of control. To the point where Sean and I don't know how to handle it anymore. She's highly disobediant, highly sensitive, can throw a tantrum like no other, that kind of thing. Not just a typical 3 year old thing, but more. Now this is a complete 180 from where we used to be at age 2. Sweet, charming, always listens to what Mommy and Daddy say. Discipline tactics worked, manners were used so kindly...
I now know, ok, SOMETHING is not right here, but I have NO idea what. My first fear was possibly Aspergers, because she is clearly not autistic. Anybody can see that. Then as it went on more and more, I thought possibly anxiety/OCD, I don't really know (I'm sure no Dr. here). I shared all my concerns with our ped at Kinsleigh's 3year appt. and she saw concern enough to get her into a psychologist for an evaluation. We didnt rush into getting the referral at the time as it wasn't necessarily an emergency.
Then the extreme irrational fears started happening. About a week before Thanksgiving we had some friends come to town to visit. They have a baby boy so he borrowed our pack n play and slept in kinsleigh's room while she went and stayed with grandma overnight. We folded it back up when he was done, placed it in the bag, and left it setting on the floor of her room. When she got home, she said she was scared of her room and wouldn't go in it. Sometime later I was able to come to the conclusion that it was the pack n play. Something she has seen numerous times as we've had it since the day she was born and we travel with it all the time with Kyla now. Thanksgiving, she was terrified of certain decorations in my parents dining room and refused to eat in there with the rest of family. Fixed it and she was over it in a day.
Then Saturday, December 3rd happened. She woke up that morning, totally normal, just really early so she was kind of cranky. We went to the mall, picked out our angel from the angel tree, played in the play place, had lunch, then came home for nap. When she woke from her nap that afternoon she would not open her eyes and her behavior was very strange, but we had no clue as to why. After much observing, questioning, and all that, I discovered she was terrified of the air vents. She wanted nothing more than to get out of the house. Thought it was just our house, which it was at first, but now she does it lots of other places too if she happens to notice them. Grandmas house, library, doctors office. Her eyes close and there is nothing you can say or do to get her to open them. I finally decided to paint the one in her room the color of her walls to see if that made a difference. (I had noticed at night time she had been opening her eyes in the dark in her bed so I figured she would look up and check it out the and be able to notice) Sure enough, she did, and two days later, she was comfortable with opening her eyes in her room only. That is still where we stand, 12 days later. She still won't open them anywhere else, however she is beginning to open them a little when she takes a bath at night. (We brought Barbies into the tub and that was something new and exciting that she finally had to check out). Because of this fear being so extreme that it is controlling both her and our entire lifestyle, we needed help, quick! I have never felt so badly for my child. It's a feeling I cannot even describe because it is definitely not something you ever think you will be dealing with.
After a lot of work and phone calls, our pediatrician got us into a developmental ped. which is who we went and saw this morning. First off, I want to say that man was amazing and so helpful and understanding. We spent nearly 2 hours talking with him about Kinsleigh's various behaviors and he was able to observe her "in action" for some of them. By the end, he came to the conclusion that it most likely was all related to anxiety. Other things could be possible in there that we may discover over time, but for now she needs serious counseling. She will be receiving that through a psychologist, whom we are already set up to see on Jan. 11th. From there, she will be able to see what needs to be done further and where we go from here. Basically, it's probably just going to take a long time to get her behavior back on track and make her feel comfortable. Who knew, when I brought this sweet baby girl into the world a little over 3 years ago, that this would be what I would be dealing with for her. We are going a non medication route for now, we'll see what the future holds, but we don't feel (neither does the Dr.) that we should put a child this young on medication. Not knowing the exact diagnosis, the side effects, or whether of not it would even work. Time, conversations, and prayer is what is going to heal this little girl. WE HOPE. But we also BELIEVE. That also being said, he DOES NOT believe she has anything on the autism spectrum. He did say that in some cases as children get older, Aspergers (high functioning autism), becomes more apparent when it didn't seem noticeable in the beginning, but he still highly doubted it. Oh and he gave us some tactics to try to get her to feel better about the vents. We will give them a try and see if anything works and keep you updated there.
So for now, this is what I'm going to ask of each and every one of you. First and foremost, keep the prayers coming. Because we need them more than you could ever know. But also, love our girlie no matter the circumstances. Know that we are trying our hardest as parents and doing whatever we can in our power to help her and make her better. Know that many times the behavior she displays, she may or may not be able to control. In public I am so tired of the stares and what not because she's totally ignoring me or the fact that her eyes are closed everywhere she goes. I know I shouldn't care what other people think, but lets face it, as humans and parents, when it comes to our kids, we just do. (I know I'll never again be passing judgement that it's all the parents fault when their child is misbehaving because I now know, it's NOT). To know we have a big team on our side and understands helps. She is still sweet Kinsleigh. She still loves to play, give hugs and kisses, be silly, and say her sweet prayers. She's just struggling right now in ways that we can't understand. Please don't treat her any differently than any other child. Those are my only requests. Thank you again for everything and in advance for all I know you are all going to continue to do. We have a great group of friends on our side but more importantly CHRIST who will heal all. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
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