Mind of a Child

Doesn't the mind of a child just fascinate you?  They just say the silliest things and at the end of each day I've usually got a quote or two that I could jot down in the memory book that just makes me giggle.  Things that are nearly meaningless to us can mean the world or the end of the world to them.

Just take trying to get a 3 year old to eat her veggies for example.  This is for real the face she gave me when I asked her to take a bite last night.

Yeah sure I know they aren't the best, especially since I buy them with "no salt added" but really???

But the thing that I love most about children is this...they see the good in all things.  Seeing bad in objects. people, anything, is something only learned by example in a broken world.  When you are 3 years old, Mommy's messy ponytail can be SO beautiful, an ant can be so adorable, the neighbors barking dog can be "oh so sweet", and a dandelion weed can seem to be the most beautiful and fascinating thing she's seen her whole life.  For me, I complain because my hair never looks right, I make sure I kill every ant I see get in the house, if the dog next door doesn't stop barking before I have to go to sleep I just may go crazy, and I want to do any and everything to get rid of those pesky dandelions in our backyard.

But then it's hard for me to want to get rid of them because she finds such joy in picking them and to her they aren't a problem, they are another one of God's beautiful creations.  What if we could have a positive outlook on all things in life like a child?  How different could our attitudes be and how far less judgmental?  Just a little thought for your day!  Happy Monday!

Dream Day

If today could be my every day, I may just feel like a Mommy who's going to make it. Everything was perfect, or at least as close to perfect as you can be with two little ones. Girls were content, girls got along, Kinsleigh was little miss polite, things were done peacefully and ran smoothly. My girl acted like a total goofball with me and we genuinely laughed and had a blast together. Both girls were little cuddle monsters all day. I just LOVED it! We had a couple of her little fears try to interrupt our day, but I was quickly able to divert them away from her mind and focus on something else, which rarely happens. It just couldnt have been any better.

And I just want to take the time to thank everyone for all they have been for and to us over this past week. Yet again, "the church" has shown what it means to join together and help their brothers and sisters in Christ. And yet again, we are humbled. We cannot wait to give back to others in the same magnitude that they have been for us. People have brought meals, people have come over just to let us talk or cry, people have offered up so many opportunities to give us "breaks" to get by. No advice, only encouragement. Wow. Each and every one of you are dear to our hearts. Thank you.

Vulnerable

I'm not going to try and hide that I am filled with anger, bitterness, confusion and jealousy. And I'm tired. Not the kind where I need to go take a nap and catch up on some sleep, but tired of life in general. I'm tired of watching my girl suffer every day while seeing everyone else's blossom. I'm tired of hearing of everyone's "easy" kids when I have never even been able to consider those words coming out of my mouth. I'm tired of wishful hoping. I'm tired of sleepless nights. I'm tired of adjusting what seems like every aspect of our lives to help Kinsleigh but yet continue to fail. I'm tired of people asking if she is "better". She's not sick. I'm tired of people asking if I'm "ok". I'm not. I may fake it on the outside because I don't want to sulk in pity so it's how I get by. But the truth is, emotionally and physically, I'm miserable. I surrender every ounce of my being first and foremost to Christ and secondly pouring all I have left into Kinsleigh. I let out my frustrations on my kids because let's face it, I'm a stay at home mom so I have no where else to direct it. Today was a perfect example of me feeling like a failure as a parent. I was angry all day long. Once I finally got Kinsleigh down for a short nap, I wept in front of my 13 month old. Wept. And she just came and crawled into my lap and hugged me like she knew that was just what I needed. For that short moment of my day, my heart softened and I wept some more.

My life has not been easy lately. In fact, it's been as far from that as you can possibly get and I don't see it getting any better anytime soon unless it were a true miracle from God.

We don't hardly go to the park anymore because Kinsleigh wants nothing to do with the equipment. We can barely step outside because she's terrified of bugs. When they fly in the house, you better watch out because she is a ball of terror that will come charging at you. As of today, she won't come into our room anymore because she's terrified of the fan. I guess Im going to have to start missing those daily early morning cuddles in bed that I adore so much. Can't get her to take a bath because she's scared of little specks of dirt she sees floating in the water but we can't compromise with a shower because then the water would touch her head. Our weekly trips to the library are no longer existent because she's still terrified of their air vents.

So when I don't " like" your photos or stories of your children trying new adventures or full of happiness on Facebook, it's not because I'm not happy for you. It's because I'm jealous. I'm trying not to be but it's tough because my triumphant stories and photos of fun are becoming fewer and farther in between.

Well, there you have it. It's not easy being vulnerable. But boy does it feel good when you are. I am so tired of pretending, just because I'm a woman of faith, that I'm ok. I'm not...